Fear
by poxelda
Summary: After Mac collapses, he finds out something that could change his life forever. Hurt/ Comfort, angst Warning: for swearing
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, you are so going down!" Jack grinned spreading his stance and wiping sweat off his forehead. Mac grinned back. His grey shirt was soaked through.

"No way, old man." Mac jumped in he grabbed Jack around the waist and tackled him to the ground. Jack pivoted in midair and landed on top of Mac knocking the wind out of the kid. Jack grinned down and ground his elbow into Mac's sternum, not enough to hurt him, just enough to annoy him. Mac's face was red and he glared at Jack.

"Not on your best day, kiddo." Jack growled as he stood up. Despite what he said, he hurt everywhere. His knees cracked as he stood up and wobbled over to his towel. He expected Mac to tease him. When there was no needling, he half turned to see Mac sprawled on the mat taking deep breaths. Jack laughed.

"One for age and one for victory!" Jack called. He looked up as Bozer, Cage and Riley crossed from their own mat to Mac and Jack's. Bozer was hobbling holding his back.

"Jack, can you believe this? They picked on me!" Bozer grumbled. Jack laughed.

"It's called training." Jack joined the other three. Riley paused and looked at Mac who hadn't moved.

"What's up with him?"

"I took him to school. He's still learning to breath, isn't that right, Mac." Mac waved a hand. Jack laughed and followed the others into the locker room.

Mac listened to them leave and felt panic. Something was wrong, really wrong. When Jack had landed on him, he felt a stabbing pain in his neck. He tried to tell Jack but couldn't move. He'd finally managed a wave trying to let Jack know he was in trouble. Mac closed his eyes. His whole body had gone numb. He moaned feeling pins and needles everywhere.

Another minute, it passed. Mac sat up gratefully. He shook his head. Must have been stunned. Mac sighed and went into the locker room. He rubbed his neck. It was swollen and sore. Must have landed wrong. Mac rolled his shoulders and braced himself. Whatever pain he felt was nothing compared to the I-told-you-so's and victory crowing Jack is going to do over dinner. The others got an early start as Mac walked into the locker room. He shook his head and accepted it as gracefully as he could.

The others left to check in with Matty before they went to dinner. Mac showered, dressed and walked across the gym as fast as he could. Being late would only fuel the fire. He'd reached the middle of the room when his right leg went numb and he fell. What the hell? Mac ran his hands up and down his muscles. He rolled up his pant leg and frowned. It looked the same as it normally did. Mac began to panic when he couldn't move his toes. Mac pulled out his phone, his hands shaking...he'd just hit speed dial when he felt pins and needles. By the time Jack answered his leg felt normal and he could move it again.

"Hey, kid, you coming? Or are you hanging your head in shame at getting beat by your older and wiser partner." Mac closed his eyes and held the phone to his forehead. He cleared his throat.

"You got that half right." He managed. He should have known he couldn't fool his brother.

"Mac, what's going on? Are you ok?" Mac closed his eyes and rubbed his face. He had a blinding headache.

"I...I'm not going to make it to supper. I got sick." He could feel Jack's tension mounting by the tightening of his voice.

"Are you ok? Do you need me? No bullshitting me now." Mac chuckled.

"It's just a headache and I think I got a bit overheated. I'll be fine. I'm just gonna go home and relax."

"We can bring supper…"

"No, Jack! I said relax!" Mac was relieved to hear most of the worry leave his partner's voice.

"Alright, but we'll be home to check on you later."

" Ok." Mac breathed out in relief then stared at his phone. If he was honest with himself he was more than a little freaked out-no downright scared. He needed Jack, but he wasn't going to worry the older man until he knew what was going on. Mac bit his lip. He could run up to medical, but then everyone would know what happened. Mac didn't want Matty to bench him for no reason. Mac sighed. That left one option. He braced himself and climbed to his feet. He hoped ER was fast tonight.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mac had no memory of his drive home. He felt wooden as he mentally replayed what the doctor had said. He pulled into his driveway and sat staring out the windshield. The others weren't home yet. Mac frowned until his brain sluggishly remembered that tonight was the night they were going to see a movie. He glanced at his watch surprised. Either they were at the longest movie in history or ER had moved a lot faster than it had felt. He frowned his shoulders slumping with exhaustion. He had an appointment for some tests tomorrow. He decided that he would tell everybody after everything had been ruled out; his heart thumped loud, or confirmed.

Mac went into the house and stopped by the bathroom. Before he realized it he was on his knees puking. After, Mac washed his face and leaned on the sink. He felt wobbly and sore. He staggered to his bedroom. Slid off his clothes then climbed into bed. Mac knew there would be no way he'd be able to sleep. That was his last thought before exhaustion swept him away.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"I'm telling you it's just not possible." Jack argued as he drove up the hill to Mac's house.

"Look online they studied it and made the costume to fit…"

"C'mon man, Boze she was sleeping with a fish! There ain't no way they are going to have baby fish sticks." Bozer rolled his eyes. Luckily the argument ended when they pulled up to the house. They both sat quietly a minute. Jack undid his seat belt the same time Bozer climbed out of the car. They had a good time, but both men had a niggling fear in the back of their minds. Mac never got sick, and this had come on all of a sudden. Cage pointed out that would explain how Jack beat the younger man. Jack argued back all during the movie. Cage drove Riley home and Jack drove Bozer. No one was surprised.

Jack opened the door to Mac's room. He and Bozer peeked in. They could see a tuft of Mac's hair sticking out of his usual cocoon of blankets. He was snoring deeply. Both men grinned at each other and left the kid to sleep.

"It's probably just a cold or something." Bozer said. Jack nodded his agreement, but he still felt as if something was wrong. He yawned and waved at Bozer as he went to his car. He'd see Mac in the morning.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Matty greeted Jack with her arms crossed and an angry cloud hanging over her.

"Now look, boss, I know what you're going to say and ok I woke up late but to be fair I was awake until…" Matty huffed in frustration. Jack closed his eyes and frowned. Bozer, Riley and Cage all stared at him expecting something from him.

"What's going on?" He asked. He felt adrenalin jolting through his system as well as a sick weight of confirmation in his gut. Mac wasn't there. Something was seriously wrong, "Matty, where's Mac?" He didn't like the surprised looks he got or the gasps of worry. He turned to Bozer.

"Where's Mac?" He growled.

"I thought you drove him in, he was gone when I woke up." Jack's eyes widened and he spun toward the door.

"Jack…" Jack didn't know who yelled after him nor did he care what they wanted. At that second, if someone got in his way, Jack was pretty sure he'd be going to prison for bodily harm on person or persons unknown or known or whatever...Jack just knew, KNEW something wasn't right. Jack's brain began to re-run every nightmare he'd ever had about what could happen to Mac.

Jack had a second of relief. Mac's Jeep was parked in his normal spot. His relief evaporated. Mac's door was open. Jack's heart sunk. He pulled out his Baretta and slid into the room. It was quiet, too quiet. Jack swiftly and silently cleared every room. He pushed his weapon then paused before heading out to the deck. His gut flip-flopped. Please don't be Murdoc, please don't be… Jack breathed out an explosion of relief. Mac stood leaning against the railing staring out at the morning cityline that seemed to have a low lying blanket of blackness hanging over it. Air warnings had been issued today from the smoke sinking into the hot cup that held LA. It was hot, sticky and the smell of nearby fires left a thick taint on the back of his tongue.

"Hey, bud. Why aren't you at work?" Jack's tones were clipped and he cut through the bullshit. Mac didn't turn. Jack's worry-meter hit red, "Mac? What's going on?" Mac's shoulders were hunched and he held his forehead in his right palm as if in pain. Jack crossed to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Mac jumped and turned surprised. Jack took a step back more than a little surprised himself.

Mac was ghastly pale and his eyes were reddened. Jack could see wetness on his cheeks.

"Mac?" He asked gently about to wrap the kid in a big hug. Mac cleared his throat and turned away wiping his face as if Jack couldn't see he'd been crying.

"Jack...wh...what are you doing here?" Jack narrowed his eyes. Mac moved stiffly, not at all with the coltish grace he normally had. Was he that sick? Jack crossed to his brother and led Mac to the closest deck chair. His worry-meter redlined when Mac allowed him to. Mac sat on the side of the chair and seemed to slump into a limp question mark. He leaned forward and rubbed his forehead. Jack crouched in front of him. He bit his tongue to keep the belly full of panic from coming out in a frantic interrogation. Mac didn't look up, but reached out and grabbed Jack's T-shirt. Jack frowned. Mac was trembling. The kid was terrified. Jack's eyes automatically surveyed their surroundings looking for any kind of threat. He didn't see anything. He turned back to Mac.

"Ma…?" Jack broke off as he found his arms filled with a clinging blond genius. Jack's worry-meter exploded. He automatically pulled the kid closer. Mac didn't heave with sobs or cry or say anything, just hung onto Jack like he was a life raft in the middle of a Category 5 superstorm

Jack rubbed Mac's back and waited. Mac pushed away and cleared his throat. He looked to the side and sniffed widening his eyes so he wouldn't give in to tears.

"Uh...sorry...sorry, Jack. I didn't want to worry you." Mac managed his voice soft and taut.

"A little late for that, what the hell is going on?" Worry made his voice harsher than he intended. Mac rubbed his face then turned to Jack and put a hand on the older man's jacket. Jack didn't know if it was to hold Mac up or keep Jack from exploding. It didn't work.

"Uh...I sort...sort of collapsed last night…"

"COLLAPSED? What the hell, man? Why didn't you tell me?" Jack stood up shaking Mac's arm loose. Mac slumped forward his elbow on his knee. He ran a hand through his hair and waited. Jack paced back and forth like a pissed off leopard. After a long minute, he stopped and rubbed his face. He braced himself and sat on the deck in front of Mac.

"Ok, ok. So what happened?" Mac rubbed his eyes. Jack could see the tenseness. He realized Mac didn't want to upset him. Jack took a steadying breath. "Ok, brother, talk to me. What happened?" His voice was gentle and concerned. Mac slowly met his eyes and licked his lips.

"After we wrestled...I...I couldn't move, everything was numb." Jack forced his butt to stay stapled to the wood of the deck. Had he done this? He reached out a hand and put it on Mac's shoulder. He didn't trust himself to say anything so he kept his mouth shut.

"Then it was fine...I took a shower came out and my leg went numb."

"Could you move it?" Mac shook his head then winced reaching for his neck. Jack was up in a shot. He leaned Mac forward and studied the kid's neck. He frowned as he gently ran his fingers along the base of his brother's skull. It was warm and swollen. Jack squatted beside Mac.

"Neck hurt?"

"Yeah...I didn't know…" Mac broke off and looked away. Jack could see the kid trying to hold back a tidal wave of emotion. Jack sat beside Mac and put an arm around the kid's shoulders. Mac stared at his hands as he played with the strap of his watch. He took a breath then spoke fast trying to get everything out before he lost the nerve.

"Today, I went to a neurosurgeon I have to have surgery." Jack stiffened. He could feel blood drain from his face. He shook his head. It didn't compute, but one look at Mac's eyes studying him told him the kid was more worried about him than the surgery. Jack swallowed forcing down a tornado of emotions. Just the word neurosurgeon sent ripples of physical pain through his heart. The face that Mac had gone voluntarily, alone only added to the tumult inside Jack. He took a deep breath more to keep from passing out than to calm down.

"I take it that's not good?" Mac gave him a ghost of a smile.

"Well, depends on your definition of good." Mac's voice had taken that light sarcastic tone it did when Mac was making light of something terrifying.

"Mac, don't mess around. I am legitimately freaking out right now." Mac looked down at his hands and nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry. When I was at MIT my friends and I would play around with explosives."

"I remember."

"Well, one time I made up…" Mac looked at Jack. Jack could see him self-editing. Jack had no doubt his partner was going to tell Jack exactly what chemicals and combinations he'd used. Jack was grateful Mac left that bit out, "...something much more powerful than I thought and I got caught in the back wash."

"Ok." Not bad so far. Jack focused on keeping his body breathing.

"Well, I didn't know it at the time, but I had a piece of shrapnel lodged in my neck. I pulled it out when I started to feel it…" Jack's world became a narrow tunnel of greys. He opened his mouth but was unable to produce sound. Mac rubbed his face drying tears that hadn't fallen.

"What did the doc say?" Jack managed after a long minute.

"A piece of that shrapnel broke off and is lodged close to my spinal cord."

"They can fix this, right?" Mac laughed. It was a bitter sound Jack hoped never to hear again.

"Well, they could do surgery and I would have a 50/ 50 shot of it severing my spine."

"Ok, that's not cool. What else can they do?" Mac looked at Jack with wet eyes.

"Or they could do nothing, and I have a 50/50 shot of it severing my spine."

***Ok confession time, this is based on a prompt (again I'm sorry but I don't remember who), but has sort of evolved into me working out my own stuff. Sorry about that although I did warn you my brain-tumor was going to be used as research for a story! :) Hope you enjoyed it so far.


	2. Chapter 2

"I do not get you man!" Mac put his head in his right palm. He was exhausted. Jack's bellow rattled through his head.

"I'm not going to tell them." Mac said. Jack rubbed his chin as he paced back and forth. The way he swung his hands Mac knew his brother was trying to keep from exploding. Mac rubbed his eyes which kept insisting on filling with water.

"Ok, ok...let's take it down a notch." Jack said closing his eyes and waving his hands in the air.

"You're the one yelling." Mac pointed out with an amused smile. Jack whirled on him.

"No, don't do that." Mac nodded and breathed out. He pushed up from his knees.

"Jack, this has nothing to do with them." Jack narrowed his eyes studying Mac's face.

"You weren't going to tell me either were you." Jack's voice was low, flat. Mac swallowed and turned away glaring at the city now covered with a black pall, "Son of a-! What is wrong with you?" Mac ducked his head closing his eyes. He could feel waves of pain from his partner, "We are a family, you don't keep secrets like that!" Mac focused on his heart beat. He forced his body to remain relaxed accepting the brutal wave of guilt and betrayal Jack threw his way. Jack stalked across the deck grabbed Mac by the elbow and tilted him to face him. Mac crossed his arms and stared at the deck between them.

"Mac, why would you do that to me?" Mac's jaw clenched. He slowly raised his eyes until they met Jacks. Mac let his mask drop. Jack stared at the naked fear in the kid's face.

"There's nothing you can do." Jack blinked and stepped back in surprise. Mac's shoulders sagged and his hands hung limp at his side. His voice was flat, "There's nothing you can do Jack. There's nothing the others can do." Mac turned back to the city. Jack stared at his brother in profile. Mac's face was empty, his eyes sagging. He was the picture of defeat.

"No. No, Mac. We are not giving up, you are not giving up, you hear me? 50% is still good odds, hell I'd take those to Vegas! And we are all going to be right beside you no matter what happens…" Mac didn't say anything. His blank gaze was a million miles away. Jack huffed and shook his head. He fought to keep his frustration under control.

"Mac, my brother this ain't you. You are in shock, once you get past that wall of emotions you gulped down then you'll see…" Mac heard Jack from far away. He felt he was doing a slow motion fall through the clouds.

"There's nothing anyone can do." He whispered. He heard Jack stomp off the deck. Mac felt as if a fist had broken into his chest and yanked a chunk of his heart out. He slumped forward against the railing and slid down it to the deck. He leaned against the wood and the dam broke. He curled into a ball of misery unable to stop the shaking sobs rattling his body apart.

Jack rubbed his eyes as he watched Mac melt before his eyes. He fought every instinct he lived by to keep him behind the glass door. He put a hand on the cool glass as if he could touch Mac from a mile away.

"Aw kid." Jack murmured. He took a deep breath and checked his watch. It would take the others an hour to get here no matter which way they travelled. Jack never thought he'd be grateful for LA traffic. Jack turned away and pulled out his phone. He'd let Mac feel his pain alone for a while, a very little while. The kid needed to clear away the fog of emotion before his natural resilience would assert itself. He was lost in a tornado of emotions and the kid had learned a long time ago he had to process them by himself. Unfortunately, he tried to approach trauma the same way he did a physics problem. Jack shook his head. Mac is a genius in many things but when it came to the human equation he knew less than a kindergartener.

Jack swallowed, his throat dry and coarse when Matty's angry voice answered the phone.

"Dalton, this better be good!" Jack cleared his throat.

"Matty it ain't, there ain't nothing good about it."

"Jack, what's going on? Where's Mac?" Jack turned to the glass door and slid down to the floor leaning against it watching his boy sob his heart out. Jack absently wiped at his own tears, "Jack, talk to me, what's wrong." Jack had never heard such a motherly tone of worry come from the Phoenix director. Jack took a steadying breath and blurted out what Mac had told him. As he predicted the rest of the team was in motion before Matty even hung up. Jack smiled and wiped his face as he put the phone away. That's what families are for. Jack studied Mac and pushed to his feet. He grimaced at his cracking knees. Now he just had to teach that to one distraught genius.

Mac couldn't catch his breath. Everything was a swirl of physical pain. A part of his body screamed at him to get a grip, to think, there was a way, there was always a way. It was drowned out by the animal scream of pain coming from everywhere else. What was wrong with him? Jack was right 50% were pretty damn good odds, a lot higher than most of the risky plans he'd thought up over the years. Mac took in a shuddering breath trying to get on top of his emotions.

Mac, you're being a stupid child. Man-up already. Mac scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. That was the problem. He felt like a child. A child who cried himself to sleep when he was scared and alone. A child who had to heal his own wounds, deal with his own pain. A child who had been abandoned. Self-pity much? Mac closed his eyes. He felt like he was trying to slam a giant steel door shut against a hoard of invaders by himself.

Mac's breathing became tight hiccups. He ran his sleeve under his nose wincing at the sticky mess. God, he hated crying. He turned away when he heard a familiar boot scuff beside him as Jack sat leaning against the railing facing him. Mac felt Jack hold out a wet towel. Mac offered a tepid smile of thanks as he took it and wiped his face. He held his face against the coolness for a long time. He wiped his nose then set the towel at his side. He sniffed and widened his eyes to clear the puffy fuzziness out of them.

"Better?" Jack asked softly. Mac looked at him and saw Jack watching him with his head cocked to the side. Jack's arms draped loose over his raised knees. Mac offered a wry smile.

"You know what the problem with a pity party is, Jack? The guests never leave." Mac was glad Jack offered a half hearted smile.

"I don't know, bud, I think everybody needs a good wallow now and then."

"If you say so." Mac said his voice lighter. He twisted until he sat beside Jack, "I'm sorry, big guy. I don't know what…" Jack held up a hand stopping him. He patted Mac's knee with that hand.

"It's fine, kiddo. I know it's part of your process." Mac looked at Jack amused.

"Process?"

"Yeah, you get me pissed off, I storm out, you break down, I come back and you realize that my words of wisdom are priceless pearls that should be treasured and hoarded." Jack grinned. Mac rolled his eyes.

"Hoarded?" Jack shrugged.

"Sad but true." Mac laughed harder than the joke called for. Jack put an arm across the kid's shoulders when the laugh began to take on a hysterical note.

"Hey, buddy, it's ok, alright. We're good." Mac nodded and sighed staring at his motionless hands on his lap.

"Thanks, Jack." Mac whispered. Jack pulled Mac in for a quick one-armed hug. They sat in comfortable silence for a long minute.

"You called them didn't you." Mac said.

"Naturally, that's what families do."

"I didn't want to worry you...I don't want to be a burden." Jack's brown eyes flashed with anger. Mac went to look away. Quick as a rattler Jack turned and grabbed Mac's chin.

"You listen and listen to me good, you are not a burden, you will never be a burden. Even if I have to change your smelly diaper or take you for a walk to the park in a stroller I will love every second of it, do you understand me?" Mac's blue eyes searched Jack's for something he couldn't name. He nodded when he saw it. Jack grinned and tapped Mac's cheek gently.

"I ain't burping you though, that's on Bozer." Despite himself Mac burst into laughter. Jack glanced at his watch, "They'll probably be here in half an hour or so, why don't you get cleaned up? I'm guessing you didn't eat and if you did you didn't keep it long." Mac stood up and leaned against the railing. He felt like he could sleep for a century. He grinned mischievously at Jack.

"What do you expect? You weren't here to burp me?" Jack laughed and threw the wet towel at Mac as the kid went to shower. Jack watched after him, his smile disappearing. He knew what Mac was most terrified of and unfortunately he was going to get a bellyfull.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mac threw his dirty clothes in the laundry and scrubbed his hair dry with a towel. He rubbed his ear with a corner of the towel and brushed his hair back. It wouldn't stay long, a few dry strands were already sticking up. He left the steaming shower and paused. He heard everyone's voices in the living room. Mac leaned back against the door his head drooped. Worry and pity. He could almost feel it oozing toward him from his gathered friends, no family. He hated both. Mac sighed and braced himself.

Riley was the first to see him. He had a brief glimpse of smeared eye makeup before she wrapped around him like a strangling vine. Before Mac could breathe, Bozer grabbed onto him and suffocated him with tight arms as if Bozer was holding Mac from falling to his death.

"B-Bo-zer!" Mac managed to squeak. Bozer froze and let go his eyes wide. Before he could wail his guilt, Mac grabbed him by the shoulders and smiled.

"It's ok, buddy. Really, it's going to be fine." Bozer relaxed back and bobbed his head.

"I know that, I just thought you might...be a little upset." Mac hid his smile. He patted Bozer on the arm.

"I appreciate that, man." Cage gave Mac a piercing look then a slow lingering hug as if she wasn't sure if Mac would appreciate it. Mac smiled at her. He did appreciate it. Of all of them, Cage could see how uncomfortable Mac was with the pity in everyone's face. She smiled.

"Ever the drama queen." She said punching his shoulder. Mac laughed. It felt like a giant breath had been released. Everyone moved out to the deck. Mac paused looking down at Matty. He couldn't read her face. She reached up and took his hand.

"Anything."

"I know." Mac said nodding. She smiled. He turned to follow her to the deck when the doorbell rang. Mac saw Jack turn to come into the house, "I got it." Mac called turning to the door. He had no idea what kind of food Jack had bought. He pulled out his wallet. He reached out to open the door and an ax dropped on his neck. Mac let out a cry of surprise. He fell to the floor hard.

"MAC!" Jack screamed crossing the living room and hall in record time. Mac's vision was foggy for a long minute. His hearing faded. He was aware of people around him. He blinked and everything snapped back into focus. He let out a shaky breath, "Mac?"

"I'm fine." Mac said, or thought he did. Nothing came out. Mac felt his heart crash like angry surf on a deserted beach.

"Mac? Talk to me, kiddo?" He saw Jack reach out, felt him take his hand but Mac's body was frozen. He looked at Jack panic in his eyes. Jack's eyes widened, "Mac can you move?" Everything else vanished. Jack and Mac stared at each other through a tunnel of mutual horror. Mac couldn't answer. His lungs and heart kept their automatic march, but everything else was hardened clay. He couldn't't move. Mac screamed. Jack didn't hear it, but he could see it in his brother's eyes.

"Hang on, brother, hang on…"

***Thank you everyone for your terrific response! Apologies to the lovely rain2460. She is the one who suggested this prompt. Sorry I forgot my friend! Thanks for letting me know. Hope this is working for you! :)


	3. Chapter 3

"It's ok bud, the pain will pass." Mac kept his eyes on Jack as the paramedics worked around him. He wished he could tell his partner that he didn't hurt. He didn't feel anything. What little he had felt was gone. Mac saw every possible pain Jack thought might be possible hover in his brother's eyes. Mac wished he could do something, anything to comfort his brother. Mac closed his eyes as the world spun. He forced his eyes open, closing them was an exercise in terror. It was the only way he knew he was alive, the only window to a world outside the horrors his brain kept cooking and serving.

He watched as two medics approached with a neck brace. The view of the world changed. He felt a moment of panic, then Jack stepped back into view. Mac would have sighed in relief but he'd lost all ability to control anything but his eyes. His autonomic system seemed to be the only thing online. Mac kept trying to remember exactly what it controlled. Blinking, heart, lungs, kidneys...he had no idea past that. For the millionth time he wished he'd paid more attention in A and P. Mac's brain of course brought him to the lab where he and the other students got to look at a dissected cadaver. Mac felt panic boil in his brain. What if they thought he was dead and put him in the morgue and he was autopsied? If he did have control over his heart he was pretty sure he'd be having a heart attack, but the EKG kept tempo like a metronome.

Jack saw his panic and leaned closer. Jack pulled hair out of his face. Mac didn't feel it but forced himself to remember the feeling of the million times his brother had comforted him with the same gesture. He thought of all the times he'd slapped Jack's hand away annoyed. Mac desperately wished he had all of the hugs, the holding, the...it had embarrassed him. Guys didn't do those things. He didn't even like telling Jack he loved him. It slipped out when he was most vulnerable. He knew Jack knew how he felt, but he would have given anything to be able to shout it from the rafters that very second.

He could tell Jack was trying to not freak out. Mac felt worse for him and the others than he did for himself. He thought of anything happening to his family. He couldn't feel it but he knew his stomach churned at the thought. It was the main reason he hadn't wanted to tell them. As Mac thought about it, he realized how incredibly selfish that was. As much as it hurt them to see and not be able to do anything, how much worse would it have been if they had never known. He could see the guilt lurking in his partner's dark wet eyes. Jack was constantly replaying their wrestling match and thinking about how Mac had laid there paralyzed and Jack had walked out and had fun with the others. Mac slowly blinked hoping Jack would think it as a sign of affection, like a cat. It wall he could offer.

Mac's world spun to the side then he was moving. He told himself Jack was close even though he was surrounded by white clad medics. He blinked at the ceiling. He really needed to repaint. The sky was a sickly churning pewter color then the roof of the ambulance. Mac thought they should put in a picture...something inspirational, maybe a mountain scape or kitten hanging from a tree limb with the words "Hang in there." Jack would have laughed.

He could hear the paramedics share numbers. He was surprised his vital signs were actually pretty good. Jack would call out encouragement. Mac clung to these brief, contrived, overly practiced platitudes like they were a treasure. Pearls to be hoarded. Jack would have laughed at that too. Mac could see the paramedic raise an IV bag over his head and blinked. For some reason not feeling the IV going in was the worst. In the back of his mind, Mac realized, IV's were so awful the pain was bigger than just his body. It was a spiritual invasion-or he was just overthinking it. He could hear that last bit in Jack's voice. He wished he could hear that last bit in Jack's voice.

He heard the paramedic give report. There was a long pause of silence. Mac desperately tried to see Jack with his eyes. He couldn't see anything but white metal ceiling. Jack, of course, knew Mac's brain better than Mac did most of the time.

"It's ok, brother. I'm still here. We're just pulling up now." Mac blinked in relief. He still couldn't see Jack, but knowing he was there was the only thinking keeping Mac sane. Well, that and the fact there wasn't much he could do about it. Not even a panic attack. Mac thought it was odd he missed panic attacks. What's next? He'd miss being tortured? Well…

Before Mac's overactive brain could meander down that trail he heard the beeping of the ambulance then the ceiling scraped by. Weird. Mac couldn't feel movement. He wondered why that was. It had never occured to Mac that was something your body did automatically. The nervous system was truly a marvel-when it worked. When it didn't?

Well, Mac would have said it was a pain in the ass if he could feel his ass. Mac imagined himself laughing hysterically at that. Jack would have pulled him back knowing that was an edge Mac shouldn't go off if he ever wanted to come back. Mac blinked. What was he going to do now? No one would know when he slipped off into madness. No one would ever know how he felt about anything, or his opinion, or… what would he do to fill the endless hours? No matter how much they wanted to his friends couldn't be there with him every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every...the idea of being alone… Completely alone, like a piece of furniture, like a stump, like a corpse...would they reach a day when they forgot him and he would be left leaning in a corner of a closet somewhere like an antique hat rack? Mac again imagined himself cackle with madness. Would he even know when he went insane? Was he already crazy? The more Mac thought about it, the more it didn't seem like a bad thing. Perhaps that was the only way he'd escape this...this coffin.

Jack's face blocked the blur of Phoenix ceiling.

"You stay with me, bud. This isn't anywhere near over, you got me?" Mac silently joked back, Where would I go, big guy? He could almost hear Jack's eye roll and huff of frustration. Mac blinked at him twice. Jack smiled. Mac could see his arm move and realized the older man was probably patting his arm or maybe rubbing his cheek gently. Mac was glad he couldn't tell Jack he couldn't feel it. He didn't want to take away Jack's thin hope that while Mac couldn't move, he felt and was comforted by his brother. Mac wished he could return the favor.

Mac caught a glimpse of familiar faces, Doc Carl, Laura, Izzy, and of course, the evil elf herself. Mac held Sally's gaze. For once she was at a loss. He could see layers of fear in her eyes. Mac thought he might have hugged her at that second. The ceiling of Phoenix's elevator had lights bright enough to burn into his eyes. Mac had to admit it was nice not being able to feel the headache staring into those lights would normally cause, but still he would have preferred it over this...nothing. No cold, no hot, no sharp pains, aches, nothing...Mac screamed again. Of course, Jack was the only one who would know. He was back smiling down.

"Easy kiddo, easy. Everybody's here, you aren't alone." It wasn't the calming coo of breathe, you're ok, I'm ok, everybody's ok...but it was manna from heaven. Another pearl for his hoard.

Mac blinked in surprise when he slid under the outside sky. He'd assumed they were going to Phoenix medical, where the hell were they going? Mac had a vague memory of blurry faces telling him he was being taken to some sort of specialist but couldn't remember the details. The thought of leaving everything familiar, being completely helpless...Mac thought he couldn't feel more fear-he was wrong. He heard the whapping of helicopter rotors and desperately looked for Jack.

"Hold up a second guys." Jack said. He smiled down at Mac, "I ain't going anywhere, kiddo, but it's going to take the others a bit to catch up to us, ok?" He stepped away. Bozer moved into sight. He'd been bawling. He bent down, Mac assumed to hug him.

"When you get back we are so going to have a ping pong rematch and this time you are not going to let me win, I'll beat you fair and square." Mac blinked at him. He wished he could offer more. Riley slid into view. She bent close. Mac realized he could still smell when he sniffed Riley's unique smell of sweat and Jasmine. She always denied wearing perfume, but everyone knew she did. Mac closed his eyes wishing he could feel her lips brush his cheek.

"Mac, hang in there, ok?" Mac blinked at her. Mac closed his eyes as Cage bent over him. He wished he could spit out her main of hair as she too bent to offer him a kiss. She smelled of fruits and outdoors. She leaned back. He could see the sadness in her smile.

"We'll see you soon." She said. She said it with the same determination she had once told him he'd get his watch back when they faced actual hell on earth.

Mac could only see the top of Matty's head but he could feel her presence like a warm blanket wrapping around him. How many times had she been the steady voice in the middle of a chaotic shit storm?

"We'll be following behind you, blondie. You'll land before us, but we're coming, ok? We'll never leave you so you better not even think of leaving us, got it." Another peal. Everything went blurry. Mac realized he still had the ability to cry. Did he actually have control over that? Did he ever. Mac couldn't even offer her a blink.

The downdraft of the spinning blades dried his tears. The roof of the helicopter felt so close-like a coffin lid closing. Mac closed his eyes bellowing a mind gibbering scream. He was being buried alive! Mac opened his eyes. Jack was there, as always. Normally Mac would curl up to his brother's warm body, listening to his strong heart… He saw Jack's hand reach to his forehead and knew the man was pushing aside hair. Jack didn't say anything, Mac wouldn't be able to hear anything over the loud helicopter's engine.

Mac held Jack's gaze as if it were the familiar callused hand. Jack offered a small encouraging smile. Mac could see the rhythmic moving of his hand. He couldn't physically feel it, but it calmed him anyway. Another pearl. Mac knew he was going to need as many as he could fit in his horde. He also knew most of them will have Jack's name on them.


	4. Chapter 4

There wasn't much Jack Dalton was afraid of. Sure there were things that freaked him out, made him uneasy or gave him the downright heebie jeebies-but very few things haunted him every moment of his waking and sleeping day. This was one of them. He clung to Mac's hand even though it didn't move, not even a twitch. Jack used his other hand to stroke Mac's forehead pushing his hair back. That Jack knew he did for himself. He had to reassure himself that his kid was here, living and breathing. He was going to be ok. Jack would make sure of it, somehow.

Mac stared at him. Jack didn't see the naked terror he'd had before. They'd been in the air almost an hour. Jack was exhausted, he could only imagine how tired Mac was, but the kid fought to keep his eyes open. Jack had figured out his partner couldn't feel anything. When they had put in the IV, the kid didn't even notice. Periodically when one of the nurses suctioned out his throat. Mac's gaze never wavered, he never coughed or gagged. Jack couldn't imagine what it would feel like trapped unable to move or to feel. Jack hunched closer. He could see Mac's gaze turning inward. He shouted to be heard over the helicopter's rotors.

"You doing ok, kiddo? One for yes, two for no." Mac blinked once. Jack grinned down at him shoving back the hollow fear behind his mask.

"You know this is pretty awesome, I can tell you all my pearls of wisdom without you interrupting with stupid stuff like logic or math! When we get you all fixed up, you're gonna thank Ol' Jack for all the wisdom he's shoving in your noggin'!" Mac studied him steadily. Jack decided to bring out the big guns, "Or...plan B I could regale you with my sweet crooning voice until we get you better?" Mac managed to half-roll his eyes. Jack let out a belly laugh. He'd take it. Mac blinked at Jack slowly. Jack's face lost his humor.

"Look, Mac. I know it's scary but you're gonna do better if you get rest." Jack found out there was nothing wrong with Mac's ability to glare. Jack turned away listening as the medic listened to her com.

"Touch down in 15." The small redhead yelled. Jack turned to relay that to Mac. The kid's eyes were wide.

"Hey, hey, kiddo it's gonna be ok. I'm right here. I ain' gonna leave you alone." Mac stared at Jack a long minute. Jack cleared his throat and turned away. He knew Mac had heard the silent "again." Jack forced himself to smile at Mac.

"It's ok, kiddo, I'm ok. I'm just sorry...Never mind about all that now. You need to focus on resting. They're going to go in and remove that debris in there and I'll beat your sorry ass again, for real this time, ok?" Jack couldn't tell if Mac's eyes had lost any worry. He turned away rubbing his eyes.

Haggie-Barr Neurosurgical Research and Surgery Center sat nestled in the gentle rolling cup of the Salinas Valley. Glancing down at the green knitted rows of leafy greens reminded Jack why this was called the "salad bowl" of America. Hibers, as the neurocenter was known as, looked like a pile of kids blocks jammed into mud. Jack didn't realize how big the facility really was until they were almost on top of it.

A central blocky building of blue and white popped out of a nest of smaller concrete buildings with walls and walls of reflective glass. One of the smaller buildings was double the size of Good Sam in LA. Jack leaned back over Mac and winced at the wildness there.

"It's ok, kiddo. It's a pretty big place. That means they have to be good, right? If they sucked they couldn't keep the lights on that mini-city, trust me." Mac closed his eyes. Jack gritted his teeth. Without those blue windows Jack had no idea what was going on inside Mac's head, or if anything was, if he was...Jack chewed on the inside of his cheek forcing the idea away. He was resting, that's all, that's a good thing. Jack squeezed the kid's shoulder then growled. He'd forgotten Mac wouldn't feel it. Jack stared at the roof of the helicopter and snarled. He wanted to punch something, anything, this was so unfair, so...Jack turned feeling Mac's gaze on him. Jack relaxed his face and gave a smile.

"I was just thinking how much it'd suck staring up at this roof. I think they need to put up a poster or something. Maybe one of those kitten ones? You know, hang in there?" Jack expected an eye roll. Instead Mac was staring at him intently. Jack would have sold his soul for the kid to reprimand him for the near pun, or to complain about the stupidness of a kitten poster, or...or anything, anything at all. Jack would have sold his soul to hear Mac's voice again. He swore that if the kid made it out of this, Jack was going to listen to every boring nerdy thing Mac babbled. Jack's face must have reflected his fear because tears bubbled under Mac's bottom eyelids. Jack blinked away his own tears as he reached forward and dried Mac's cheeks.

"Now look what you went and did? You're turning us both into girls, next thing you know we'll be doing our nails and buying purses like Riley and Cage." Jack grinned at Mac's half eye-roll. Jack stepped aside as the helicopter descended on the topmost roof of the blue and white building. Jack tried to stay in Mac's eye line, but he was shoved out of the way as a squad of medical personnel from inside the building came running out and they swarmed Mac. Jack had to jog to keep up to the group. He was dimly aware of an endless rat maze of corridors before they ended in a curtained cubicle in the surgery wing. Jack slipped between moving bodies to reach Mac's head. He leaned over. Mac's eyes were redlined and relief blossomed when he saw Jack.

"It's ok, kiddo, I'm here." Jack was gently moved aside as medical staff crouched on either side of Mac and slid him off the spine board to the larger and softer cart. Jack winced until he looked at Mac's face. Mac stared up at the ceiling. He felt nothing. Was watching the ceiling the only way he knew he was moving? Jack rubbed his face. He had a feeling he'd be knowing a hell of a lot more about brain and nerve stuff before all of this was over. Jack managed to take his position again. Someone slid a stool toward him. Jack gave a heartfelt thanks, he got a brief nod in response. Jack didn't take offense. They were busy helping his boy, what did he care how polite they were?

Jack ignored the bustle and focused on the only two things that mattered in the entire world, Mac's eyes. Jack began to babble. He told stories about everyone he knew. Jack knew he was repeating some Mac had heard a hundred times, but the kid didn't turn away for a second. He studied Jack as if he was telling him the meaning of life. Jack didn't care. As long as that gaze didn't turn to the inside of Mac's skull, he was happy.

"Mr. Dalton." Jack looked up startled. He hadn't noticed, but everyone else was gone. A tall balding man with a hook nose, dark eyes and a pencil thin moustache approached him. Jack narrowed his eyes. There was something familiar about the man, something Jack did not like, "Doctor Sanha will be in momentarily. She suggested that you would feel better if you ate something." Jack nodded. The man put a small box on the bedside table and set a container of orange juice beside it. The man turned to leave.

"Hey, thanks." Jack called. The man nodded.

"No problem, Jack. I know how difficult this is." Jack nodded and rubbed his face. He stared at the box lunch. He knew it was a good idea to eat. How many times had he told Mac he had to keep his own strength up before he could help others? Jack shook his head. He'd eat later when his stomach wasn't so full of roiling serpents of worry. He'd probably puke now if he ate.

Jack glanced over. His heart dropped. Mac's eyes were closed. He reached out and relaxed. Mac's pulse was as strong and regular as a metronome. Jack smiled. And he was worried about Mac's imagination? Jack looked up at a knock. He smiled. A short bony woman stood in front of him tapping on the bedside table. Why did they do that in an open curtained area?

"Hello, I'm Dr. Sahna." Her wide brown eyes were warm as fire coals and she had a ready if somewhat cold smile. Her hand was small, but she gripped his hand hard enough to make him wince. Jack liked her. They wouldn't go out to a bar together or anything, but he was satisfied she'd do right by his boy.

"Jack Dalton." Dr. Sahna nodded. She pulled dark glasses out of her pocket and put them on. She crossed to Mac and pulled out a tiny tomahawk looking thing. She uncovered Mac's feet and ran the metal end from the heel up. Jack's foot twitched more than Mac's did.

Dr. Sahna worked quickly checking reflexes, movement, and other things Jack couldn't guess at. Jack did not like the growing frown on her face. She paused looking down at his face. She glanced at Jack.

"He's asleep right now, I'm going to look in his mouth then look in his eyes. He'll wake up disoriented. Keep talking to him, ok?" Jack felt his heart blossom. If he didn't like her before, he sure as hell did now. Only a good doctor would worry about a patient's mental state when the patient had no ability to move or complain.

Jack took his place on the stool and leaned over Mac's face. He began to babble not even aware of what he was saying. It was a artform. Mac didn't open his eyes when the doctor pulled open his mouth and actually reached in and pulled his tongue out moving it side to side. She put it back and checked his throat before closing his mouth again. Jack eyed her his heart stumbling with worry. She offered a reassuring smile.

"I can't see anything wrong like blood or swelling. We just have to watch to make sure his airway stays open, ok?" Jack nodded. Dr. Sanha paused, "Ready?" Jack nodded and leaned forward starting the meaningless burble he used whenever Mac was confused and scared.

Dr. Sanha reached out and opened one of Mac's eyes, both snapped open. Jack could see the pinpricks his pupils became. They were even, that had to be good, right? The doctor leaned in with an ophthalmoscope and studied Mac's eyes. Mac blinked his eyes wildly as they roved reaching out for Jack. Jack leaned in closer to Mac's ear.

"Easy, kiddo, you're ok. This here is Dr. Sanha, she's good, just relax, you're ok." Jack kept repeating it over and over. It seemed like an hour before the doctor straightened. Jack took her place leaning into Mac's line of sight. Mac blinked wildly, tears running down the crinkles at their corners. Finally, Mac was able to focus. Jack could read the relief there. Jack grinned and gently wiped away the kid's tears.

Jack turned at a loud buzz then snap. The doctor turned on three panels of white light. She snapped up x-Rays and CT scans of Mac's skull and neck. Jack looked down at Mac and forced himself to stay where he was. Mac needed him more than Jack needed to pester the doctor-barely. Jack kicked his leg back and forth and glanced at his watch a hundred times before the woman slowly turned and returned to them. Jack really did not like how serious the woman was.

"Hello, I'm Sandra Sahna, you're neurosurgeon. You go by Mac, I hear?" Mac blinked once.

"That means yes." Jack said. The doctor offered him a smile. Jack realized she already knew. She also knew to call Mac, Mac. He realized Matty must be talking to her directly. The idea gave Jack comfort. He wasn't out here taking care of Mac alone. He didn't mind, of course, but it was good to have reinforcements.

"Mac...I got the report from Good Sam. I'm afraid things have changed." Jack felt the floor drop out from under him. He glanced at Mac. Mac studied her. Jack couldn't read any emotion in those baby blues at all. Dr. Sanha pushed a long strand of straight black hair back and took off her glasses.

"The piece of shrapnel has moved and is now compressing your spine. Surgery is much more risky now."

"Why?" Jack was surprised to find he could manage a squeak.

"The shrapnel has a sharp edge. At this point it has not cut into Mac's spine, but it could. It is possible that it might move enough to sever the spine completely." Jack was sure the room wasn't supposed to sway like it was. He clung to Mac's bed and sat down on the stool. Dr. Sanha studied him closely. Probably didn't want to do another surgery if he fainted and cracked his head open. Jack took a deep breath and glanced at Mac. Jack shook his head. The only thing in Mac's eyes was worry-for him! Jack rubbed his face and smiled at Mac, hoping to reassure him. Mac's continuous stare told him he'd failed.

"Ok, so what are the options?" Jack forced himself to say.

"Well, if we do nothing, Mac will inevitably get worse and the same fear of severing the spinal cord will be present. If he takes the surgery...his odds of surviving are not good and the chances of him keeping any kind of functioning are even less."

"But there is a chance?"

"Yes." Jack met Mac's eyes.

"What do you think, brother?" Mac's eyes moved to the doctor and he blinked once. She nodded and smiled.

"Alright, we'll get you moved up to a room. There are a few more tests we need to do, but should be ready for surgery first thing in the morning." She leaned forward and began to unbuckle the neck brace. Mac closed his eyes. Jack could almost hear Mac's yell of relief.

"You don't need this, but try not to move around too much, ok?"

"Absolutely doc!" Jack answered for Mac. He felt as if he were being set free. It took him a long minute for him to remember Mac wouldn't be doing any movement on his own. Jack smiled down at him. Mac gave him another half roll of his eyes.

"Ok, I'll see you first thing in the morning. Your friends should be arriving in the next hour, I'll have them sent up to your room." Jack nodded. Everything became a blur. Jack would be hard pressed to retrace any of their paths through the cavernous maze of the building. The room they finally settled in was a light purple. Jack laughed. On the ceiling was a detailed mural of a city. It looked like a mixture of styles of architecture from around the world all put together hodge podge.

Jack was no art master but even he could tell the scale and perspective was off. It reminded him a little of the alley in Harry Potter. Jack looked at Mac who was studying it intently. At least someone thought to have something to keep him occupied. Jack yawned and glanced at his watch. He was surprised to see it was suppertime. He turned and found the box lunch. He sat and tore into it. The turkey sandwich was half-hearted and limp, but edible. A box of Cheetos and a baggie of carrot sticks were ok. The orange juice was warm and bitter. Jack scowled but chugged it anyway. After, he almost felt human again.

He sighed and looked at Mac. Mac studied him calmly.

"What?" Jack whined. Mac blinked. Jack had no idea what was behind those blue eyes. He leaned in closer, "You ok?" Instead of the one blink he got half an eye roll. Jack grinned, "Yep, that's my boy." Mac blinked once.

The others arrived an hour later. Jack caught them up. He could feel the worry and tension, but they all tried to hide it and keep things light. Jack appreciated it, but he was so tired everything looked blurry. They said they'd camp out in the waiting room down the hall and check in on them. Jack yawned and nodded. He moved to a chair beside the bed and slouched back. He closed his eyes as they dimmed the lights. He was so tired. He frowned a thought occurred to him. He stood and looked down at Mac. Mac's gaze turned away from him. Mac's face was soaked with tears. Jack's heart broke.

"Aw, kid. C'mere." Jack gently lifted Mac and slid in beside him. He rolled Mac until his ear was over Jack's heart. Jack absently pulled Mac's hair back from his face, "It's gonna be ok, kiddo. Get some sleep, I'll be right here." Jack checked to make sure nothing was pinched or bent wrong then pulled Mac closer. Jack closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds.


	5. Chapter 5

Mac was sliding into insanity, or at least it felt like it. He was a brain, eyes and ears that couldn't move. He wished that shrapnel had cut off his fucking head. Mac closed his eyes. He couldn't even deep breathe to relax. At first, Jack's heartbeat was comforting a reassurance his brother was there. Hours later it was a loud ticking from a clock that never moved in a silent room. Mac would never hurt Jack, of course, but he wanted to take a knife and stab his heart over and over until it was quiet.

Not that the floor was quiet. Periodically a nurse or CNA would come in and check on him. They would reposition him asking how "we are doing?" I'm fucking great, you fucking moron! Of course he was as silent and motionless as a piece of furniture.

Mac was beginning to get worried about Jack. The man didn't wake up with the continuous hospital traffic. Normally the Delta was awake before a footfall fell a hundred yards away. He slept soundly, snoring- that was getting grating!-and did not move a muscle. Mac couldn't see the clock, but it felt like hours had passed. He'd seen two different batches of staff. Mac was now turned away from Jack, his head still leaned on the older man's chest but he faced away from Jack's face. He couldn't see anything except the closet, open bathroom and sink with a scratched mirror over it that Mac was pretty was recycled plastic. Mac stared at the toilet with a longing he was pretty sure no one ever felt before. The ability to stand up, know when you had to piss or shit, go into the privacy of a room. The ability to wipe your own ass, clean your hands. Mac blinked helplessly.

Matty and the others silently crept in, Mac closed his eyes until he heard them leave. Having them here warmed his heart, but their eyes held cutting pity and fear a heavy combination. They would stammer platitudes and not meet his eyes. Mac didn't blame them, would he know what to say either? Worst of all was the "you're being very brave" or "it'll be fine, you'll see." Mac wanted to scream. Brave? How could he be brave when there wasn't jack shit he could do about his situation? How did they know he was being brave when they couldn't see the terrors behind his eyes- locked in behind a mouth he couldn't move and a voice he couldn't speak.

And Mac knew the odds- well to the seventh decimal anyway and he made a lot of guesses on variables-but the technical term for it was snowball's chance in hell. Mac clung to that sliver of hope, he had to believe he was going to live, but like this? The light from the bathroom fogged. Tears again. He had no idea if they were leaks from dry eyes or from the blackness sucking him down.

Mac blinked. He refused to close his eyes. He didn't feel tired, but he didn't really feel awake either. Was that something the nerve system was in control of? Was that a brain thing? Was something wrong with his brain?

Then Mac heard something that would have stopped his heart. A slow familiar whistle-Home on the range. No, no, no, no, no...how could HE have found them? Mac could see the shadowed outline of a man in the mirror above the sink. He could hear quiet scuffs as the man stepped into the room. No, no, no...Mac chanted. Jack! Jack, wake up! The door slowly closed. Mac blinked wishing his eyes could adjust, that he could do something, anything...

"MaaacGyyyver." Mac's body couldn't react, but he knew his brain could feel the gibbering terror cut up his spine like a knife made of ice. It was like feeling a phantom limb, or memory. Mac closed his eyes, but it was no nightmare he could wake from. The steps crossed the darkness one after the other. Oh C'mon, get it over with! Mac screamed. He blinked as the lights over the bed clicked on. He felt like he was on a stage under a spotlight.

"Hello, Angus." Mac mentally braced himself and slowly opened his eyes. He had no idea if his anger or fear showed. Mac blink surprised. Murdoc pulled off a mask and slowly took off the white coat of a doctor.

JACK, I swear I will take you to meet Bruce Willis in person if you'd just WAKE UP! Jack continued to snore, oblivious to the death that leaned over him. Murdoc bent to look into Mac's face. Mac met his black gaze, refusing to turn away from the sharp stones as cold as his shark smile.

"I heard about your...tragedy and had to come visit. We are such good friends." Mac tried to avoid blinking as a form of defiance, but he had as much control over that as he did his arms. Murdoc reached over and brushed Mac's hair away from his face. Mentally, Mac flinched.

"Of course it isn't going to be as fun as our usual repartee, as I have to do all the bantering myself. But you are so predictable. You won't get away with this, we'll stop you...blah, blah, blah." Mac closed his eyes as Murdoc bounce his index finger off Mac's nose. Mac swore he could feel it, a blistering cold burning in the wake of Murdoc's touch. Murdoc slowly sank to his knees and studied Mac. Mac narrowed his eyes trying to show the depth of his hatred for this man. Murdoc smiled.

"You have such expressive eyes. Maybe I should pop them out." Mac's eyes widened. Murdoc leaned in and put his thumbs over Mac's eyelids. NO, NO, NO…! Murdoc rubbed Mac's eyes then removed his fingers.

"Only joking, Angus. What would be the fun in that?" Mudoc leaned over and studied Jack's unmoving body, "I could kill Jack right now, you know cut his head off and leave it on this lovely bedside table, how fun would that be if you couldn't stop staring into his sleeping, dead eyes?" Mac closed his eyes. Please go away, please go away. JACK!

"Maybe I could bring in your friends one by one and kill them as you watched, unable... to do...anything." Murdoc stood up and closed his eyes taking a deep breath a satisfied smile on his face, "Just think how fun that would be-you couldn't call for help, couldn't even scream in pain or whatever people do when they care about someone dying. You couldn't even beg for it to stop...Please Murdoc, please don't, please no...oh delicious."

Murdoc pulled out a long boning knife. Mac squinted his eyes shut, a silent rage rattling his skull. Murdoc stepped out of his line of sight. Jack, no. Mac's vision blurred again. He heard a meaty slap and Murdoc laugh. He crossed back to face Mac. He pulled the bedside chair closer and leaned forward studying Mac's face from less than an inch away. He leaned back and laughed. He reached out a finger and wiped Mac's tears away then put them in his mouth. Murdoc leaned back and smiled as if he'd just eaten the best culinary delight on the planet.

Only Jack's steady snoring and uninterrupted heart beat reassured Mac that Jack was unharmed. Murdoc crossed his legs and waved a hand absently at Jack.

"I only returned to him what he gave me. Don't worry, Angus. He won't wake up with more than a bloody nose, for now anyway." Mac heard Jack moan and move under his head. Murdoc leaned forward studying Jack, "Oh dear, looks like I gave him a nightmare. Too bad he won't wake up from it." Murdoc patted Mac's cheek. Mac was glad he couldn't feel it.

"Don't look so panicked. He's going to have the worst headache of his life, but he'll be fine. Unfortunately, dear Angus, he won't be able to be with you when you have surgery. You'll be all alone, just like always." Murdoc gave Mac a mocking sad look.

"Poor, poor Angus. Who are you going to help now? You can't even help yourself. You are as useful as a piece of furniture. No, not even at least you can sit on furniture without breaking it." Murdoc looked at his watch. He turned and pushed the chair back. He pulled the rolling bedside table forward until it was less than an inch from Mac's face.

"Despite what everyone says I do have a warm heart full of love for my fellow man or whatever." Murdoc smiled, "I don't want you to spend the next few hours with nothing to do so I brought something for you." Murdoc pulled out a box of paper clips and put them on the edge of the table. Mac could read the copyright date.

"Oh, that would be mean of me as you can't do your twisty thing with these paper clips can you? Well, I guess I'll have to help you get a good night's sleep, or a couple hours at least, before your surgery. You'll need your strength if you're going to survive. " Murdoc leaned down his face a cruel mask, "And believe me, MacGyver, I do want you to survive." Mac glared at the man. Murdoc smiled. "Good night, sweet prince." Murdoc turned off the light over the bed. He crossed to the bathroom and clicked off the light. Mac's eyes widened with true panic. No, no, no...please, no...

" See you soon, Angus. Kill you later alligator." Mac heard the assassins light steps. He closed his eyes knowing what came next and Murdoc didn't disappoint. Mac didn't feel the tears fall as the door was shut as tightly as a coffin lid and he was left in complete darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

Cage yawned as she crossed the hall to the coffee pot. She poured a cup and wrinkled her nose. It was old enough to count as turpentine. She braced herself and prepared to drink the brew when she took in the hall. Cage slipped the cup back on the counter and pulled out her Sig P226. For a long minute she had no idea what bugged her. She slipped closer to the wall and studied both ends of the hall.

The lights were bright and everything looked normal. Cage glanced at Mac's room and scowled. The door was closed. She edged toward it then paused. The corridor had the same timeless, mechanical feeling of every hospital she'd been in, but there was no noise. Cage studied the hall more carefully. No one. No nurses, no CNAs, no doctors...Shit.

Cage sprinted to Mac's room. She listened. Nothing. She eased the door open peering inside scanning for movement. She could hear Jack's easy snoring and breathed out holstering her sig. She turned to go then stopped. No lights. She whirled and snapped on the light.

Mac had once told her about what his brain did to him in the dark as a kid. He would deny it all day, but Cage knew that kind of imagination didn't evaporate with puberty. She had seen his house filled with neon lights. Bozer claimed he'd bought them because they were cool. Cage suspected he covered for Mac's latent fear of the dark. Add that with the nightmares this job naturally caused...There was no way in hell Jack would leave Mac in the dark, especially when he was frozen in his own body. Cage shuddered at the thought. She couldn't image how terrifying that would be, let alone with someone with a brain like Mac's.

Cage dashed to the bed.

"Jack? Jack!" She leaned over the older man. Jack looked like he was sleeping restlessly, but he had a bloody nose and black eye coming out. Cage turned to Mac. She took in the box of paper clips an inch from his face. Who the hell...Cage saw a white coat and mangled pile of latex. She shoved the table aside and crouched to look into Mac's face as she pulled out her phone.

"Matty, Murdoc's here." Cage hung up before Matty could say anything. She knelt and looked into Mac's blue eyes. His pupils were huge, his eyes unfocused, "Hey, Mac. Can you hear me?" Cage put a hand on the side of Mac's head and gently ran her fingers through his hair. Her heart sunk when she remembered he couldn't feel it.

The door burst open, Bozer and Riley ran in. They took in the room with wide eyed panic.

"Mac?" Bozer yelled circling to land on his knees beside Cage. Riley bent over Jack. She checked his pulse and let out a deep sigh of relief. She brushed his scruffy face with her hand. His head thrashed back and forth and he moaned.

"Jack? Jack! Hey it's ok, we're here. Mac's ok, he's leaning on you." Riley murmured into his ear. Jack paused and sank down relaxing. Riley ran her fingers through his wiry hair. She looked up as Matty entered the room a phoenix team clomping after her. She looked grim.

"We have to get them out of here." Matty declared.

"But the surgery…"

Dr. Sanha and her team ran into the room wheeling a stretcher.

"Prep Mac for transport to surgery. What is going on? All the staff were found unconscious in the med room?" She paused long enough to take in the room. "Never mind." She leaned over Jack and shined a light in his eyes, " I need .6 mg Adrenalin, now." Sanha crossed to Mac and gently turned him to face her. She frowned looking at his pupils and pulled out her light. She looked up at the others.

"What happened to him? He's in shock." Everyone turned to Matty. She stepped forward.

"He is in a lot of danger from an old enemy we need to move him now." Sanha stood up her eyes narrowing. She glared down at Matty.

"That is impossible. He already has been moved more than I am comfortable. We need to do surgery as soon as possible." Before Matty could respond, a nurse came racing in with a syringe, "Ok, let's get Mac onto the cart, this will probably be quite a jolt for Jack."

The group in surgical scrubs carefully bent over Mac and lifted him onto the gurney. Dr. Sanha's team rolled Mac across the room where they started prep for surgery. Dr. Sanha leaned over Jack and rolled over his arm. She bounced a finger on the inside of his arm. She slowly injected the medicine then wiped the site. Everyone stared at Jack. For a long minute the room was silent. Then his eyes snapped open and he bolted to sitting.

Cage pulled Dr. Sanha back before the woman got belted in the mouth by Jack's swinging fists. Jack's face was red and sheened with sweat.

"Mac! Where's Mac?" He bellowed.

"It's ok, Jack, he's right here." Cage said. Jack staggered to his feet. Bozer took an arm over his shoulders and helped Jack hobble to the gurney Mac laid on. Jack's breath was ragged; his heart was fast and throbbing in his neck and ears. He felt as if he'd been sprinting a marathon. He shoved it all aside and took a guppy breath when he saw Mac all in one piece. Jack wiped his forehead and let out a big breath.

"Mac? Brother?" Jack felt like he'd just had an IV of a gallon of coffee. He wiped sweat out of his eyes. Mac laid face up, his eyes open and staring at the ceiling. Even with his face frozen Jack could see Mac was in the middle of an endless loop of a panic attack. Aw kid. He leaned his hip on the gurney and leaned forward cupping Mac's head and looking directly into the younger man's face. Mac's face was wet. Tears. What had scared the kid? Jack felt his heart sink.

"I was dreaming that Murdoc…" Jack began his voice shaky.

"It was no dream." Bozer said. Jack's head snapped to look at the younger man. Jack's body shook with the strain of the adrenaline fueled by his anger.

"Murdoc here? How?"

"He dressed like a doctor and gave you some drugged food." Matty said crossing to Jack. She stood in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. Jack remembered the hook nosed doctor. That had been Murdoc? Jack's head began to throb. A balloon was being over inflated inside his skull and he was sure it was going to burst.

"How did he even know we were here?" He heard Cage ask behind him. Jack tuned the others out focusing on the only thing that mattered.

"Hey, brother? I need you to look at me, let me know you're in there." Mac blinked but it was obviously automatic. Was Mac even in there?

"What did that bastard do to him?" Jack growled over his shoulder. The others felt quiet. Cage walked to Jack's side and put a hand on the older man's shoulder. She described what she saw when she came in. Jack felt a knot of wood in his throat. He knew how formidable opponent Mac's brain could be, he'd seen it in action enough times. It could do more damage to Mac than Murdoc could imagine.

"Well shit, buddy. I'm sleeping and you have to go and do something like that." Jack began in a louder than normal voice.

"What the- We don't have time for this." Dr. Sanha said briskly as she waved at her team. Matty whirled and put a hand out stopping the taller woman.

"Just give it a minute." Matty's voice was friendly, but her eyes were steel. She and Dr. Sangha stared at each a long minute. Dr. Sangha nodded.

"We'll go prep OR. When he's ready bring him to OR 7." Matty nodded. Dr. Sangha nodded at the medical team who left the building. Matty waved her hand and the silent TAC team faded out the door like a fluid shadow. Some would protect the surgical team the rest would keep the room secure. Jack shot Matty a grateful glance then focused on Mac.

"Forget that creep, kiddo. You're ok, I'm fine, everybody's fine. See they're all here." Jack glanced over at the others who came and crowded around Mac so he could see them all. Mac blinked.

"That's it, Mac. Come back to us." Riley said.

"Yeah, you're holding up everything." Bozer added obviously near tears. Mac blinked again. Jack smiled. The blinks were too close together to be automatic.

"That's it, open those baby blues."

"They are open." Cage said softly in Jack's ear. Jack glared at her, she offered a small smile.

"Don't you listen to her, you know what I mean." Jack said sweetly to Mac. Mac blinked three times in succession and slowly focused on Jack. Jack took the kid's hand and leaned forward to cup his cheek. He knew Mac couldn't feel it physically, but hoped it gave him comfort somehow.

Light. Mac chanced a glance over his shoulder. He'd been curled up naked in a black hole somewhere deep in his head. He blinked. For a long minute, his brain replayed the slaughter of his friends again as it had been for infinity. From far away he heard Jack's voice, a siren call of safety and home. Was it really Jack? He reached out a hand, then remembered he was trapped inside a useless clay pile of a body.

Shadows crept out of the fog. Mac blinked until they became faces, familiar faces. If he could have, Mac would have sobbed with relief. His gaze travelled from one to the next to the next. Safe, not hurt. Mac focused on Jack who grinned down at him. Everything blurred. Tears. For once Mac didn't mind. They were cleansing tears of relief. Jack gently wiped them away. He gazed into Mac's face. Jack nodded, his eyes saying more than his mouth ever could. Mac blinked away the blurriness.

"Ok, kiddo. Are you up for surgery?" Jack asked softly. Mac's brain froze. Surgery? Crap. Mac had forgotten about that. Mac felt phantom fear gibber down his spine and settle in the pit of his stomach. He blinked once. He knew he faced long odds, but this was the only chance he had of ever being able to feel anything or move. What choice did he really have? He blinked once slowly. When he opened his eyes Jack nodded down at him. His eyes were pools of worry and fear, but the older man smiled.

"Ok, bud. Let's get this done so I can beat your ass, right?" Mac half rolled his eyes. Jack laughed and leaned forward hugging Mac. Mac closed his eyes. His body may not be able to feel it, but his heart did. He felt more brave as each of his friends, his family, leaned forward and gave him a hug. His hoard of pearls overflowed. Mac felt like he could face anything.

The ceiling above him swirled and he could hear the clank of wheels. He was on a gurney rolling. Mac counted 15 different ceilings until he faced one that wasn't moving. Two ceiling arrays of four lights the size of manhole covers hovered like suns over him. He could hear the murmurs, the echoes. The room tilted as his body was repositioned.

"Hello, Mac. My Name is Sandra Sanho, I'm your surgeon. We're getting you prepped. Anestesia will put you out then we're going to put you on a special table face down. The surgery will probably be three hours or so, but you won't know about it until it's over, OK?" Mac studied the woman. She had harsh angles and jutting ridges on her face, but her eyes were warm and concerned. Mac blinked at her once. She smiled then talked to others in the room. Mac heard a loud squeal and the lights were focused directly over his head. Mac closed his eyes. He knew it wasn't true but felt like his heart was racing.

He opened his eyes and froze. Black eyes looked down at him. Mac's eyes widened. Murdoc smiled.

"Don't worry, Angus. Just count backwards from ten, take a deep breath and you'll go to sleep." Mac mentally screamed as the murderer lowered a mask over his nose and mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

Jack had the mother of all headaches. He rubbed his eyes which felt like they were doing a cartoon bounce out of his skull. He held up a hand.

"Ok, how the hell did Murdoc know Mac was here?"

"Mac went to a non-secure hospital." Riley said. Her voice was subdued. Jack glanced at her and saw the guilt they all felt. Mac had laid paralyzed on that mat and they had walked away then went to an unsecured hospital so they wouldn't know. When would Mac ever trust them with his pain?

"I'd be surprised if Murdoc didn't have spies and stuff everywhere." Bozer said. Jack nodded. He took in the room and picked up the box of paperclips. He'd always thought Mac's need to bend the things into tiny art was stupid. He knew it was the kid's way of keeping his restless brain and hands busy. Jack thought about his brother staring at the paper clips so close and yet unable to even pick up the box. Then to be trapped in total darkness. Jack carefully set down the box instead of throwing across the room. He gritted his teeth.

Jack knew part of his restless frustration was from the extra adrenaline he had coursing through his veins. He stood up and started to prowl the room back and forth.

"Has TAC found anything?" He asked Matty.

"No, everything is normal on all the other floors and in OR, the surgery is just starting now." Jack froze and looked at her strangely. "Jack, what are you thinking?"

"What has always been Murdoc's end game?"

"To kill Mac." Bozer said. Cage stepped forward tapping her chin.

"No, if he wanted Mac dead he could have done that already." She said.

"Exactly, Mac fascinated Murdoc. He wants to break Mac, what would be better than sabotaging the operation so Mac would be trapped in his body forever." Jack said. They paused a heart beat imagining the terrible things Murdoc could and would do to a helpless MacGyver.

"But if he doesn't want to kill him outright, why would he stop the only thing that could save him?"

"Because he's fucking nuts!" Jack yelled. He rubbed his face, "Sorry, Ri. I have to see Mac." Jack turned for the door.

"Jack, he's in surgery." Matty protested. Jack barely glanced at her as he pushed by her.

"Exactly, what better time to get to Mac." Riley, Cage, and Bozer followed on his heels as they ran from the room.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Left, Jack!" Riley yelled breathlessly. Jack sprinted to the left. He stopped beside a hall that announced it was Surgery. A busy waiting room bustled with murmurs around him. He peeped around the corner. He ducked back muttering a swear. No TAC soldiers. He turned to the others.

"Look TAC is gone. Riley, Bozer, You two clear this room and wing as much as you can." They nodded and turned walking to the check in desk. Jack looked at Cage. They both pulled out their pistols, "Ready?" Cage gave him a vulpine smiled.

"Absolutely." Jack nodded and spun around the corner. The hall was short then led to a circular area that opened into three anterooms, each leading to an operating room. Jack took the first one to the right, Cage the first one on the left.

Jack found the anteroom covered in blood. He swore. Through the window he could see into the OR. It was littered with black clad bleeding bodies. Shit. Jack dashed to check if any were still alive. None. He crept out of the room. Cage held the door open as a blood spattered group of doctors and nurses worked over a draped surgical patient as they ran out of the OR. Both watched over the group until they turned the corner to the lobby. Cage and Jack crossed to the last door and nodded at each other. The anteroom was dark lit only by the surgical room. Mac laid un moving on the gurney as the doctors and nurses gathered the needed equipment. Standing over him was Murdoc about to lower a gas mask.

"Son of a bitch!" Jack growled. He tried to open the door to the OR but it was locked. He glanced at Cage who nodded. Jack raised his pistol and shot out the window aiming above the level of the table. Jack was moving before the glass hit the floor. He backed up and jumped through the open area. He was dimly aware of screams and protests. He landed in a tight roll and came up.

"You can't…" Dr. Sanha yelled. Murdoc rose up behind her smiling his shark teeth. He raised a Beretta M943-a pistol with an inbuilt sound suppressor. Murdoc aimed it at the surgeon. Jack had to admit that was a pretty good tactical move-no way in hell he was going to let Murdoc do that.  
Jack whirled on his back and swept the doctor's legs out from under her. Cage fired at Murdoc.

"Don't fire, the gas." Jack bellowed. Murdoc smiled and ran for the door. Jack rolled to his feet and chased him, "Help Mac!" He yelled over his shoulder. He climbed out the broken window and saw the scrub clad assassin enter the circular hall. Jack growled and jumped like a cheetah. He grabbed Murdoc around the abdomen and brought him down face first. Murdoc exploded into action before he hit the ground. He pivoting bringing Jack down with him side by side. Murdoc slammed an elbow back. Jack's head snapped back and he dropped his Beretta. Murdoc laughed. Son of a bitch. Murdoc crouched to jump away. Jack reached up and yanked Murdoc by the neck of his scrubs and pulled the man back over on his back. Murdoc sprawled his legs hanging over Jack. Murdoc raised a foot and kicked at Jack's head.

Jack reached up and snagged the foot with both hands he twisted with all his strength. Murdoc grunted in pain and rolled with the motion. Jack bounced to his feet and kicked the man in the kidneys twice. Murdoc half pivoted and raised his beretta. Jack kicked Murdoc's wrist and the gun went flying. Murdoc leaned back curving his back and kicked Jack across the face.

Jack shook his head and stepped back. Murdoc flipped to his feet and turned toward the lobby. Jack growled. He grabbed Murdoc's hair and pivoted using his weight to slam the assassin through the recently vacated surgical suite. Murdoc gasped as he sprawled on the bloody operating table. He pivoted and grinned.

"Aren't we having fun now?" He sneered.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Jack yelled. Murdoc jumped onto the table and rolled to the other side. There was a bowl of bloody surgical instruments on a cloth covered table behind him. He pivoted and threw this at Jack. Jack nimbly stepped aside. Jack recovered quicker than Murdoc expected. Jack took three steps jumped onto the table and kicked Murdoc in the face. Murdoc slammed into the covered table. It collapsed with an echoing crash. Murdoc got tangled in the table's frame.

Jack grabbed the stainless steel top where it had flown and slammed it down. He aimed for Murdoc's head but he was in the wrong angle. The gleaming steel banged against the up turned table legs like a gong. Murdoc kicked Jack in the chin. Jack jumped back wincing at the blood in his mouth. Murdoc whirled onto his stomach and attempted to crawl free of the broken table.

Jack hopped forward and kicked the assassin in the ass. Murdoc fell face first with a loud whumph. Jack stomped on his back. Murdoc's body thrashed with the shock and a cry of pain escaped. Jack grinned reached down and grabbed the man by the back of his neck and the seat of his pants. Jack whirled and slammed Murdoc face first into a glass fronted cabinet of medical supplies. Jack leaned back moved his feet for better leverage then did it again, harder. Murdoc yelled. Jack yanked the man back and kicked him three times in the side. Murdoc curled forward. Jack slammed Murdoc headfirst into the bloody floor. Murdoc sprawled like a squished spider.

Jack rolled the man over, straddled him and banged his face side to side with a six punch right and left combo. Jack leaned back taking a deep breath. Murdoc looked up through swollen eyes. Jack saw a gleam of fear in the psychopath's eyes and grinned.

"Very well, Jack. You got me. I'm ready for the handcuffs." Jack leaned forward his brown eyes burning coals.

"See, Murdoc. That's your biggest mistake. Matty and Mac want you behind bars, I don't. I want you dead." The last was said with all the cold violence in Jack's heart. Murdoc's eyes widened. In his eyes Jack saw a flicker of fear. Jack grinned. Murdoc gritted his teeth and tried to buck free under Jack's weight. He grinned again.

"Well played, for an ignorant redneck." Jack bashed him with a flurry of punches. It didn't come from a place of blind red rage, but from a cold surgical precision. Jack knew how to hit with maximum hurt without killing Murdoc. He broke Murdoc's jaw, Zygomatic, nose, and both orbits holding Murdoc's eyes. Murdoc's eyes closed. Jack looked down huffing in air. He felt dizzy and his pains were beginning to flare into life.

"An ignorant redneck who just kicked your ass, you sick psycho son of a bitch."


	8. Chapter 8

MacGyver had always believed that when you died that was it, nothing came after, no heaven, no hell, no thinking no worrying… If he was wrong and this was it for an eternity...well, that'd really suck.

He had no physical sensations other than a bone deep numbness. Was the surgery a half success? Did they save his life only to trap him in his unmovable body? Mac sucked in air, It felt real, was it his imagination?  
 _Mac?_

Jack? Is that you? Are you really here? Mac screamed and reached out into the inky void around him. JACK? Don't leave...please don't leave me alone in the dark. Jack, please…

 _Mac? Hey, c'mon now brother. It's ok, time to get up we're all kinda worried here._

Is it real? Jack, are you real? Jack?

 _MaaacccGyyyyveerrr_

NO NO NO not again. Mac thrashed his body but the cold blackness clung to him like numbing tar. He tried to suck in air, to run, get away….

JACK! Mac wailed.

 _What the...whoa, brother, easy...Ri catch that arm before he hurts himself. Boze don't bend his knee to the side...umph, yeah I hear you Matty. Damn this kid can fight...Mac? MAC?_

A dream it was only a dream, he was alone. Cold, trapped. He pictured a wooly mammoth climbing over another one to get out of the La Brea pit only to pull both of them to tumble into burning tar. Mac screamed. He could feel the burning sword enter at the back of his neck and stab through his entire body along his spine.

Ughmp.

 _That's it, buddy. C'mon, whoa! Don't let him slip off the bed guys! He's already in enough pieces..._

Mac's neck was nailed to the table. Tiny nibbling flames flared through his body, every nerve was on fire. His skin, he could feel his skin. Mac tried to suck in air and pull away from the all encompassing pain buzzing through his muscles. He could feel his body! He could feel it! Mac opened his eyes. Blurred figures ringed him, he could feel their hands on him-searing circles of cramping fire.

"Hnnng." Mac tried to arch away from the overload of nerve noise, but his head was strapped into a collar that allowed no movement of his neck. Mac closed his eyes and moaned trying to roll over, to get away. The lights were too bright and hurt. His head throbbed like a giant alien heart. He tipped and fell forward. Alarmed exclamations came from those circling him. Mac found himself circled in familiar arms. Jack gently lifted Mac up to sitting and sat beside him. Mac couldn't hear through the mess around him.

"Jnnnksya?" Mac's mouth was hardened clay.

"Yeah, brother it's me. You gotta calm down a notch here ok? I know it hurts, that's your nerve center going from 0 to 100 in ten second." Mac didn't get it. He blinked his eyes. His stomach suddenly lurched. He leaned forward huffing in air.

"Hey, Mac, here let it go, it's ok." Mac glanced out the corner of his eyes. Riley held out a puke bowl in front of him. She sat beside him and helped Jack tilt him. Mac rocked moaning at the pain the act of vomiting ripped from his body. He coughed and groaned panting when nothing was left.

"Here, bro." Mac blinked up in gratitude when Boze leaned in and wiped Mac's face with a cool damp rag. Mac managed to twitch the corners of his mouth.

"Nnnksoze." Boze grinned.

"No prob bro, you know what they say…"

"The family that pukes together stays together?" Matty asked amused. Mac turned to look at her. His shoulders slumped and he leaned against Jack. Matty took his hand. Mac sighed. Her small hand was so cool and...calm. Compared the the lightning burning through his.

"I'm glad to see you can follow orders, blondie." Matty smiled and ran her hand along his arm.

"Nah, he always does his own thing." Cage said at Mac's feet. Mac leaned back moaning as his legs began to shake with cramps. "It's ok, Mac, they'll pass in a minute." Cage bent down and began to work the muscles on Mac's left leg. Bozer crossed to the other side of the bed and began to massage his right. Mac gritted his teeth as he automatically reached out to grab Jack's shirt and twist it mercilessly.

Riley scooted in closer and gently rubbed Mac's back careful not to go near his neck. Mac leaned forward closing his eyes. The crackling fire was giving way to muscle aches. Mac took deep slow breaths as he began to feel his body relax. He heard the others talking but the siren call of sleep pulled at him. It occurred to him he was missing something...some…

Mac's eyes snapped open and he pushed himself to sitting. He swung his legs to the side of the bed and almost did a header to the floor. Again it was Jack's lightening fast reflex that saved Mac a lot of pain. Jack frowned taking in the wide blue eyes and sweaty panic on his partner's face.

"Hey, dude, what is it?" He asked gently. Mac pushed back enough to grab both of Jack's forearms.

"Mrrrdc." Jack nodded and let out a breath. He leaned closer and pulled Mac into a one armed side hug.

"Easy, kiddo. You don't have to worry about him." Mac narrowed his eyes studying Jack. His eyes roved to the others.

"He...sheeer." Mac mumbled. The frustration Mac felt with his inability to speak clearer was easily visible in his blue eyes.

"We know, Mac. Jack took care of him for you." Matty said softly putting a hand on Mac's knee. Mac blinked at her and shifted his eyes back to Jack his doubt apparent."

"Yeah, he ain't gonna be hurting anybody for a long while." Jack offered with a grin. Mac raised an eyebrow.

"He's too busy trying to sip his meals through a straw." Bozer said slapping Jack on the back. Mac glanced at Riley who nodded and squeezed Mac's shoulder.

"Jack kinda broke his face. If it hadn't been for him…" The long pause was filled with all of their worry and fears. Jack snorted.

" It wasn't just me, brother. Cage took over in Murdoc's place as you anesthetist." Mac's eyes widened and he gaped at Cage who sat side saddle on the bottom of the bed. She looked down her face pinkening.

"I'm sure I did everything wrong, how else could you survive when the doctors, who are always right about these things, said it was impossible. All my fault, I'm afraid." Everyone stared at her a long minute before bursting into laughter. Bozer wrapped Cage in a warm embrace.

"Girl, if that's how you fuck up, you keep on keeping on." Jack said his eyes moist with gratitude.

"And that is an order." Matty said laughing with the others.

It was three weeks before Mac's neck was healed up enough for the docs to let him fly back home. Mac couldn't stop smiling and barely stopped moving enough to get sleep. Occasionally, his legs would weaken due to transient swelling from the healing tissues around his spinal cord. Mac felt odd phantom sensations. He'd sit up feeling Murdoc standing over him, a knife tip resting on his eyelid. Or he suddenly couldn't breathe. Mac was able to smell and taste the hospital smell of the pillow smothering him, even though there wasn't one. It was as if all the terrors that had been locked in his imobile mind were coming out in physical symptoms. All his fears made real. Mac gritted his teeth and white knuckled through thankful that these terrors passed and the full-color world around him was alive, moving and he wanted to feel, to touch, to walk, run, swim squeeze it for all it's life.

A month after he'd gotten home, he was floating in the center of the pool. The sky was clear blue with stringy grey clouds. Mac closed his eyes and let himself sink into the cool hand of the water that cuddled his body. Sun warmed his bare chest and legs. He knew he would probably end up a bit crispy but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Under the swish of the clear water Mac heard a yell. His eyes bulged and he pulled his legs under him.

"YEEE-HAAAAW!"

"Jack, don…" Mac's words were lost in a sputter as Jack cannonballed three feet from him. The wave washed Mac backwards and under water. Mac swam to the bottom of the pool and waved his hands until the turbulence settled. He could hear Jack's muffled voice. Mac couldn't make out the words, but the cockiness rippled out clearly. Mac smiled. Ok, want to play battleship? Mac knifed upward, grabbed Jack's legs and dragged him underwater. Mac had timed it perfectly. Jack's mouth was open when he was suddenly sucked under. Before the man could recover his surprise, Mac attacked the most efficient way he knew how-tickling.

Over the years, Mac had been sworn to secrecy and for the most part went along with it. One time when they'd gone to visit Jack's grandparents, Jack had teased JP a little too much and ended up face down in dirt being tickled by the master. JP wouldn't let him up until Jack was a rare shade of purple and about to pass out. Mac had noted exactly where his partner was the weakest. Mac never teased Jack or tried to tickle him. Mac, himself had a few spots that would set him into useless puddles of laugher. Jack used them mercilessly. Mac had waited until the time was right-like now.

Jack spasmed in the water like a dolphin caught in a net. Mac spun with him sending out lightening quick scratches until he finally wrapped his arms around Jack and tickled him on his neck. Mac waited until his partner floundered in the water then let go and hauled the older man to the surface.

Jack was a nice violet. Mac held onto his shoulder as Jack laughed until he coughed then broke into sneezes that slapped him face first into the water which made him laugh harder. Mac couldn't help but grin. Finally, Jack managed to heave in a deep breath. He looked at Mac and splashed him with a casual hand of water.

"Good one, kiddo." He sputtered. Mac laughed and used both hands to scoop water and push it into Jack's face. Jack narrowed his eyes, "That's the way it is, huh? Ok, but you asked for it, remember that…" Mac spun and dove. Jack followed like a shark. Neither man knew how long they chased, wrestled and threw each other around the pool. Of course, Jack could have won most of the undersea maneuvers, but he let Mac win. Mac, for once didn't mind.

The sun was a soft peach and painted the clouds above them a cool rose by the time the two men floated their arms resting on the side of the pool sucking in air. Mac rolled onto his back and leaned his head against the metal rail. He rolled his shoulder muscles to relieve a pinch in his neck. He opened his eyes and glanced at Jack. Mac smiled.

"I'm ok, Jack. It just twinges once in awhile. I'm cleared to go back Monday, you know." Jack huffed and growled something under his breath. Mac shook his head. He assumed Jack already knew and would have been interrogating the entire medical staff until someone, Matty or Sally, Mac guessed, put their foot down and shoved him out the door. Of course, Jack would come over and hang out with Mac probably not leaving him alone for an instant the entire weekend. Mac grinned up at the colorful sky above him. He wouldn't have it any other way.

They floated a long time before Mac realized that Jack was studying him.

"What?"

"I'm really, really sorry that happened to you, Mac." Mac frowned and turned so he faced his partner. He reached out a hand and put it on Jack's cool shoulder.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't cause this, I thought I made that clear." Jack looked away, "Jack?"

"Yeah, I know, kiddo. But I didn't do much to help either...Murdoc came right in and…"

"And you broke his face." Mac said softly. Jack shot him a glare, "seriously, Jack. You were the one thing that kept me from losing it." Jack turned and faced Mac. This time Mac looked away. He stared at his pale legs and hand to remind himself they were his and he could move, he could feel the water, the small shifts in tide. Jack's warm hand on his arm broke his reflection.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jack asked studying Mac with a cocked head. Mac opened his mouth to go to his automatic refusal but paused. His eyes met Jack's and he smiled.

"I'd like that." Jack looked taken aback a second then grinned.

"How about over some beer and steak?"

"Bozer left some marinating."

"Perfect...but Mac?"

"Hmm?"

"No touching the grill." Mac's eyes sparked with mischievousness.

"Oh? Or what?" Before Mac could move, Jack launched at him, grabbed him in a solid hug and planted a long wet kiss on Mac's cheek. Mac squirmed his face turning red.

"What the hell, Jack!" Mac blurted. Jack laughed, his own eyes glittering, "No, no, no…" Mac muttered as he turned trying to escape. Jack followed deliberately.

"Da-dum, da-dum-da dum...dum, dum, dum, dum…"

"Son of a-" Mac managed before Jack dove taking him down to the bottom of the pool. It was full dark before the two sat on the deck in dry clothes eating steak cooked to perfection and sipping beer. Jack set his plate down. It was clean enough to put back in the cupboard. Mac set his half eaten steak down and leaned back taking a long sip of beer.

"This is the life, ain't it?" Jack said staring up at the sparkling stars.

"You have no idea." Mac said. His voice was low accompanied by a full body shudder. Jack frowned and sat on the side of the deck chair. He leaned forward. It hadn't been that long ago, Mac had fallen to the ground lost in tears, overwhelmed by the impending doom. Jack ran a hand over his face.

"How do you feel now?" Mac looked at him puzzled, "About all of it, I mean. I could see how scared you were...and trapped." Jack's throat cut off with lack of air. Mac nodded and looked down as he twirled the bottle in his hands.

"I think that is a vast understatement...I...Jack it was so far beyond afraid, or even terror...it was like someone was pointing a gun at your head and kept pulling the trigger. You know eventually it'll go off and probably kill you so your brain knits every fear you can think of making the dread bigger and bigger. When it does go off, for the quickest fraction of a second you feel relief, it's over. But it's not over, it's never over...you can't escape, or move…"

"Hey, hey. Easy, brother." Mac looked up surprised when Jack took his hands in his own. Mac hadn't realized how fast he'd been breathing until Jack looked at him and started coaching him silently to breath deeper.

"Sorry, Jack, just caught up to me I guess." Jack's knees popped as he stood up and sat beside Mac. He waited for the old age joke but Mac stared intently at his half empty bottle.

"Whatcha thinking?" Mac took another sip then looked at Jack with a warm smile.

"You know I screamed right? When I couldn't move, or talk or anything?" Jack nodded. Mac reached out and punched Jack on the shoulder.

"That's why I love you, big guy." Before Jack could say anything Mac bounced to his feet, scooped up their plates and vanished into the house. Jack watched after him feeling like his heart was going to explode. Jack looked at the lights rippling across the pool. He finished his beer and stood up. His back and muscles hurt like hell. The kid is like a damn eel in the water. Jack took a deep breath enjoying the smell of the neighbor's lilac trees and cut grass. He could see a couple lightning bugs zip through the trees along Mac's drive. Jack nodded. This is life. He turned and studied Mac a long minute.

"Mission done for today." Jack whispered around a smile that wouldn't dim or go away.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

*** **And I'm back...Thank you all for your well-wishes, prayers and positive energy. As you can probably tell by the mood of this story things went well, still have a half bald head that is sewn up like a baseball. I'm thinking of getting a tat and shaving the other side so I could look Mad Max: Fury Road fierce! LOL. I've got a tingle for a longer, more fun story called Tempest. We'll see how it goes. As always thank you for reading, commenting, liking, following and favoriting. There are only so many angels on earth and I'm convinced they're all fanfic readers. I hope you enjoyed this and I thank you for the space to deal with personal issues, I promise to keep it to a minimum although don't be surprised if Mac has to deal with trying to sleep with a hole in his skull being held on by a super tight pressure bandage. LOL. Thanks, pox**

 **-Jack's Grandfather and all mentions thereof are based on creations of the lovely Ridley C. James. The tickling battles, however, are all on me.**


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